The Story

Hello everyone,hope your doing well and alright.Well I think this blog should start off with my story and later on to the tips that are getting me through this journey..

My name is Chris H. and this is my story:

 On October 13th 2008 I was in my bedroom reading a book while listening to some music.My parents are fighting and yelling which I can hear through my headphones(this isn't the first time they have fought and yelled).I feel overwhelmed and really just..alone.I went into my kitchen and got a small but sharp blade.I went back into my bedroom and put my ipod back on and turned on a pretty good song,Broken by Seether and Amy Lee.I had no idea what I was doing and no idea how to cut or not cut or just anything about it.I got the blade and just made large indents in my arm and wrist,no blood.

Over the next coming weeks I kept making those indents and wore hoodies and long sleeves but also short sleeves(my parents didn't even notice my arms.Four weeks after that I drew blood...it was,for me,one of the best feelings i had felt in a long time.And after that day I always drew blood and went deeper and deeper.On New Years Eve my sister sees my arms and asks me what the hell happened,I reply.."The cat scratched me",and she bought into it.

Then January comes around and people start getting curious on why I'm wearing long sleeves and start asking me to pull up my sleeves.I usually replied with a,"F*ck you" or "None of your buisness".Then a girl in my class pulled up sleeves and looked in awe at the hundreds of scars that inflamed both of my arms..She obviously told people because this spread like wildfire and soon most of the school knew I cut myself.People now picked on me and called me various names such as:emo,goth,stupid cutter,cutter,slicer,sadistic lunitic,insane,messed up,emo cutter,and even a 5th grader screamed at me saying "HEY CUTTER STOP SLICING YOUR WRISTS!".I couldn't bare it and even school was worse than my home now.

March 10th 2009,I think about a life without my pain,without cutting,and without being with everyone who hates me.My solution,suicide.That day I planned and schemed on how I was goingto do it and when and where.I came up with the plan,with slicing both wrists open and bleeding out..That night I was going to do it.The suicide letter was written and everything ready for it...I took a steak knife and was digging into my skin...but I broke down in tears and couldn't do it....The day after I came to school and had a smile on my face and promised I would never cut or attempt suicide every again

Three weeks later a kid asks me if I am still a gay cutter who is a fake and a group of kids was talking about how I am really stupid and drugged up.That day,I relapsed.I went over to CVS and had a couple bucks and bought a ten pack of single edge razors and ran into the school bathroom and cut my arm up.While I was doing that I didn't realize what time it was and skipped church..

April 11th 2009,I hear my parents fighting and scream back at them,they act as if I am invisible.I attempt suicide yet once more.And yet again I couldn't go through with it.That week was spring break and the next day was Easter.My spring break was spent in Ohio at my grandma's home,which was freezing and old.It was the worst Spring Break I have ever had,not only did I shake continously,but I threw up a couple times because I was so nervous and so deprieved of my razors..

Now today May 8th I have now NOT cut for two weeks.I am getting better and feeling healthier.Every day I want to go back and cut more and more but I must be strong...